An Old Memory
by Z1
Summary: How long had it been now? Ten years. Ten years since his troubles began. Ten years since everything changed. Ten years of guilt, anguish, fear, loneliness.


Hey, for those who are reading this is my first fanfic, and I would like to take the time to thank you for deciding to check mine out.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Teen Titans; they are property of DC comics and Warner

It was a warm afternoon in Jump City. The birds chirped, the park was filled, and best of all, not a criminal in sight. As for the residential heroes, the Teen Titans, each Titan was taking advantage of every second… well almost everyone. We find four of our heroes in the common room.

Cyborg was playing the newest release of Mega Monkeys: Attack of the Super Ninjas.

Robin and Starfire were sitting at the table talking.

"But boyfriend Robin, if that is where people of this planet's offspring come from, then what are those machines used for." Starfire asked in naïve curiosity.

"Uhh, well… I'll tell you another time." Robin choked out to his alien girlfriend.

After Tokyo, the two Titans were inseparable, and they probably would be for the rest of their lives.

Now as for Raven, she stuck to her every day routine, sitting quietly on the couch reading, with a soothing glass of herbal tea to top it off.

All in all, it was starting off as a nice day. Now the only thing missing from the picture was-

"Has anyone seen BB?" Cyborg asked, announcing what everyone was wondering in the back of their minds.

"I haven't seen him since yesterday," Robin replied, "How about you Star?"

"I am afraid I have not seen friend Beast Boy either… perhaps you have, friend Raven?" Starfire inquired.

"He's probably sleeping the day off as usual." Raven replied in her monotonic voice, taking another sip from her mug. She was just as curious as the others, but she would never admit that.

"It's late, even for Beast Boy." The leader pondered glancing at the clock: **3 o' clock**. _'What is he doing'_ he thought to himself.

As if by a strange twist in fate, Beast Boy appeared from the common room door and headed straight to the kitchen. From what his teammates could see left them surprised in the least. Even though it was late afternoon, he held deep sunken bags under his eyes, meaning that he didn't get much sleep. His shoulders were slumped in a fashion that seemed irregular, and his ears had drooped to their lowest point. His feet tread the floor as he went to the mini-fridge in search of a glass of orange juice. This was strange sight to say the least.

Beast Boy sat at the table with his orange juice, zoning everything else around him out. He was in his own little world, thinking of nothing and everything at the same time. That is, until he was surrounded by his friends.

"Good afternoon, Beast Boy." Robin greeted the young shape shifter, who only grunted in reply.

"Yes, many noons of goodness to you, friend Beast Boy, on such a glorious day!" Starfire exclaimed hoping for a change in his demeanor, but alas, no success. He stayed silent, staring at his cup, taking a sip occasionally.

"Yo BB, you wanna play the game I just got on my way home yesterday? I bet you I can kick your sorry green but at it!" Cyborg smirked in hopes of a challenge or at least a smile from his green companion. "Come on, you know you want to play!" When he didn't get a reply from his best friend, he decided to take drastic measures. "How about this, you play and win ONE time, and I'll eat some of your tofu crap! BY THE BOX!" he suggested as a final plea. However, the young shape-shifter didn't so much as look his way.

Beast Boy headed to the common room door to leave the room and get some time to think about his problem, but a new voice surprised him, Raven.

"Well I guess I'm green free for the day." Raven remarked, smirking slightly, expecting, and secretly hoping, the shape shifter would jump into an argument with her and change his mood back to normal instantly to contradict her.

But as the other plans, hers failed as well. Beast Boy turned around to face her, with his broken features even more downcast than before. "Yep." He said glumly before walking out of the common room and into the hallway, in the direction of his room.

"YEP?"

The team stood there shocked at what just happened. Beast Boy NEVER turned down an argument with Raven, it was a tradition known to them for years. It was as scary as Cyborg becoming a vegetarian.

"Well I'm gonna take a shot in the dark here and say that something's wrong." Cyborg inquired, possibly having better knowledge of what caused his friend- his brother to look so grief stricken.

"What could it be?" Robin puzzled, "Where there any signs of this before? What's today?"

"I believe it is the 16 of March, Robin." Starfire answered, "Why do you ask?"

"There has to be a connection between today and his behavior." He paced the floor, hoping to find a solution.

"Come to think of it, the green bean is usually on the downside come this time. Maybe someone should ask him," Cyborg suggested, having a pretty good idea what this was about, "It's better than jumping to conclusions, Rob."

"Good idea, Cyborg. So who's going to do it?" Robin looked around waiting for someone to volunteer, but no one said or did anything of the sort. "Somebody's gotta do it." He stated, getting a little irritated.

"Fine, I'll do it," Raven offered, much to everyone's amazement, including her own.

"Are you sure?" Robin asked.

"No one else will, and besides, I'm an empath. I can sense if he's lying about his problem," Raven replied monotone, "I'm practically the therapist around here anyway," she muttered as an afterthought.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, now I need to meditate before I speak to him."

"Well if you've got him covered, then I'm gonna go wax my baby." Cyborg walked off, slightly relieved at the resolution, but was in need of something to keep him busy.

"If you need me, you know where to look." Robin announced, leaving to his usual spot, the evidence room.

"And I shall make sure that he is not doing the overworking." Starfire cheerfully inquired, following her boyfriend to his destination.

With everyone gone and out of the way, Raven went to the window and prepared her meditation. Sitting, now floating in the lotus position, she began to chant her mantra. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…"

How long had it been now? Ten years. Ten years since his troubles began. Ten years since everything changed. Ten years of guilt, anguish, fear, loneliness.

Beast Boy got up from his place on the floor and started his venture to the top bunk, sitting on the edge, letting his legs dangle off the bunk. He stared at them with no real interest. The young shape shifter felt tired, but sleep had escaped him. The nightmares came again last night, it always happened around this time. His stomach grumbled in hunger, but he couldn't eat. The orange juice he drank was all the changeling could hold in. He needed some fresh air, but if he tried to leave the others would stop him, and just bombard him with questions, especially Robin.

Robin. His name made Beast Boy growl out of spite. He didn't hate the leader by any means, it was simply the fact of how their fearless leader dealed with everything. Back when the team was formed, he looked up to Robin, a role model if you will. But as time went by, he saw him as a friend, a brother, someone he could trust and depend on. Even after both Slade and Red X incidents, he trusted him without question, well, all jokes aside the point. But when the Beast incident had occurred, and Robin had forcibly accused him by jumping to conclusions, he lost all respect for him. Sure it was the Titans job to protect the city, and granted Beast Boy was a jerk during his chemical reactions, but he didn't even give him a chance, like they had given Robin many times before. _'He always seems so angry at me.'_

The next person he figured would show up was Cyborg, his best friend. Cyborg and he had a bond with each other, to them, they were more than friends. They were brothers. The two played, fought, and argued like brothers would. Their meat-tofu debate was a tradition to them, they loved the challenge. Both would talk about things with each other, anything and everything, really. They shared some of their pasts, but never to the full extent. Cyborg probably knew what the situation was, but he didn't know the whole story.

Starfire would be next, if anyone. She was his good friend. _'She laughs at my jokes, at least,'_ that was true, she was the only one to show interest in his jokes. _'She's kind of like a big sister,'_ she was always so cheerful. She never liked seeing the others upset, and she's usually the one who tries to cheer them up.

And the least expected member to show up on Beast Boy's list was Raven. Now it wasn't that he disliked her or didn't want to talk to her, it was the exact opposite actually. He had liked her from the beginning, he wanted to be her friend, and always tried to be. She was the first person to think he was funny, until he screwed it up anyway. It just seemed like she didn't want him around. He may have liked her more than he realized, but he was too distracted to think about it.

Beast Boy groaned from all of his thoughts swirling in his head. 'Man do I have a head ache' he thought to himself, only to make it worse by thinking about it. Luckily, he was shut out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. Doing his best to put on his jokester face, he answered the door. To his surprise, it wasn't Robin or Cyborg as he first guessed, or even Starfire, but Raven at his door. "Raven?" he asked, "What are you doing here?" though he already had a good guess why.

"I came to talk to you," Raven replied. "Can I… come in?" she stuttered. _'What's with me? I don't stutter.'_

Beast Boy sighed, he knew he couldn't lie to Raven and get away with it. Maybe the others, but then again, they weren't empaths that could read your mind if they had to. "Sure, come on." He answered walking back into his room with her in suit. He plopped on his bottom bunk, staring at the top one.

While Beast Boy took his seat, Raven inspected his room. The green walls were full of old movie posters and a dartboard on the farthest wall (she took note of Adonis's picture on it, one dart stuck to his head). It was as messy as ever, clothes scattered on the floor, comic books and video games strewn by his closest, and papers completely covering his desk and even his laptop was lost in the sea of papers... But it didn't smell, much to her surprise. She took a seat at his desk chair. "So…" she began.

"I don't want to talk about it." Beast Boy replied, looking away from her.

"Beast Boy, you can't keep it bottled up. Tell me what's bothering you." Raven replied shortly, already starting to get annoyed at the changeling.

"I don't have to do anything, you can't make me." The changeling retorted.

"Either you tell me what's going on in that little head of yours, or I'm going in, got it?" Raven was quickly losing her patience.

"Why should I?" he shot back, finally looking her in the eye. "You bottle everything up all the time! I try to get you to open up, but all you ever do is shut me out!" He sat there, staring into her amethyst eyes, waiting for her to retort.

Raven bit her lower lip. His emerald eyes were pouring into her soul searching for an answer. He was right; she never told him anything, or any of the Titans for that matter. Granted it was to keep her overlord demon father from ruling the world, but that only made things worse. "Well, I don't like talking about my past," she admitted quietly, ending the uncomfortable silence.

"And you think I do!" he yelled angrily, growling out of pure instinct, enhanced by his abilities. Raven was shocked to say the least; this was a side of him no one had ever seen from the usually comical shape shifter.

However, his anger soon passed, and all he could do was bow his head in shame. "I'm sorry, Rae, it's just… hard, ya know?"

She nodded in understanding, moving to sit by him on the bunk and look her green friend in the eye. "I'm here to listen, now please tell me."

Beast Boy sighed in defeat, it was inevitable. "Okay, well it begins in Africa; my parents were scientists, working on the genetics of animals, trying to find a link between animals and humans. I was born there in Africa, living close by a tribe where my parents' close friend, King Tawaba, the leader of the tribe we resided by, lived. I was happy, living an adventurous life. I was six years old when things started to change…"

"One day, I was playing in a field, when out of the trees came a green monkey. You see, there's a disease in Africa called Sakutia, that only animals can survive, but it makes them turn green. I, being the curious kid I was, tried to pet the monkey… And the green monkey bit me and left after I finally managed to shake him off. After that, my mom found me and knew what happened after seeing the green monkey take off in the trees. My mom started crying, I didn't know why at the time, but she just held me there and sobbed."

"I started to get sick, I was… dying. The disease was slowly killing me; most people lasted about 2 weeks, adults anyway. My parents worked day and night searching for a cure. They looked like they had been through Hell and back. "

"After nearly two weeks of extensive research, they finally found the cure. They cured me all right, but the side effects left me as the little green dude you see today. Animal disease, animal side effects, or at least that's how I figure it. I adjusted to the change, my parents were just happy they still had their son, I owed them my life."

"About a week after I was cured, my mother was taking photographs of the rare flowers near our camp when she was attacked by a black mamba. I was with her during this. My only thought was _'Where's a mongoose when you need one?'_ Next thing I know, I had turned into one and killed the black mamba, and apparently ate it; and so began the start of my vegetarian life."

Beast Boy stopped to shudder recalling that memory, causing Raven to smirk slightly at the thought, the irony of the situation. "So that's how I found out I had powers. King Tawaba thought it was a great gift that should be put to good use. I started trying these powers out, but I could only change into small animals."

Beast Boy stopped there, looking at Raven for the first time since he had been telling his story. He couldn't continue with it, the end was something he locked away in his mind long ago. But at the same time, he felt he had to continue, or this nightmare would haunt him for the rest of his life.

And more importantly, was whom he was telling this all to. The one person he's known to never judge someone on appearances and never form an opinion on someone she just met. His best friend, Raven, though he would never tell her that. Cyborg was his brother, but Raven was different somehow…

"Beast Boy?" Raven asked, shaking him out of his thoughts and bringing him back to reality.

"Huh?"

"Are you alright?"She asked, concerned for the changeling.

"Oh, yeah sorry… where was I?"

"You finished talking about how you got your powers," Raven reminded him. During the time he paused his story, she spent sensing his emotions. She felt all of them swirled together, lost in confusion. '_What was he thinking about?'_

"Right…" Beast Boy stopped; remembering what came next, caused his face to pale. He took a minute to collect himself. "Then today… ten years ago, I went on a boating trip with my parents to get some supplies up river. The waters were high and a storm was coming, but we kept going, we needed the equipment. It was then that the boat hit a rock underwater, causing the engine to fail… The waters were starting to flood; we were being carried down river. Then, up ahead we saw it… the waterfall. We were heading straight for it, and we had no way of escape."

Beast Boy paused again, he couldn't take it. The pain of his memories flooded his mind, intoxicating him with their bittersweet feelings, and it left him to the brink of his held back tears.

'_It's now or never,'_ he thought.

Raven watched him intently as he struggled to find the words. She felt his every emotion: Confusion, sadness, anger, love… and guilt? _'What does he have to feel guilty about?'_ she thought to herself before she heard the sound of Beast Boy's voice continuing with his tale.

"It was then that my parents looked at me, with sad eyes, knowing of the impending doom. My father looked at me and said… 'Garfield, I need you to be brave. You're a big boy now, I need you to turn into a bird… and fly away from here as fast as you can. And whatever you do, don't look back.'

"… I wanted to argue, to tell him it wasn't over… but, I followed his orders. I turned into an eagle and… before I took off I heard my mother say, 'Goodbye Garfield,'… I flew as far as I could away from what was to come, but I couldn't help but look back as they… fell."

By the time Beast Boy finished his story, he was sobbing in his hands, recalling everything from his childhood vividly. The torture of his memories and backed up emotions exploded at that moment, leaving him completely vulnerable and exposing his true side. Raven sat there shocked, surprised at what she had heard. She never thought that he, of all people, would have such a tragic past, especially since he always seemed so light-hearted. The comedian of the team was not what he had seemed to be after all these years.

At this point she wasn't sure what to say or do. Unable to think of anything else, Raven did the one thing she could think of… She pulled him into a hug. At first, Beast Boy stiffened at her touch, but soon was holding on to her for dear life, sobbing quietly on her shoulder. They stayed that way for what seemed like an eternity. His sobs slowly turned into sniffles, followed by soft hiccups.

"It was my fault, Rae… I could've done something," Beast Boy said glumly, finally ending the impending silence.

It was then that Raven pulled him off her shoulder and looked him straight in the eye. "Beast Boy, it wasn't your fault, you need to stop blaming yourself. There was nothing you could've done; that's why your father told you to leave. So you could live."

"But I could've-"

"No, like you said, you could only change into smaller animals; there was no way you could've saved them,"

"I was a coward Rae! I turned my back on them! I left them to die when they needed me the most! I FAILED!" By this time, Beast Boy was enraged, a growl erupting from his throat.

Raven was afraid, something that wasn't easy to accomplish. Luckily, the empath knew he wasn't mad at her, but rather, he was mad at himself. She sat there, giving him time to calm down from his anger.

Once he was finished, he merely bowed his head in shame, realizing his mistake. "I'm sorry, Rae."

"It's alright,"

"I just… wish they were here."

"We all want something in life, Beast Boy, but wishing won't change what happened. You have to accept the fact that they're gone. You have friends who care about you, and want to see the happy grass stain they're used to," She put her hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

Beast Boy smiled, a genuine smile, at the dark empath. "Thanks, Rae," he pulled into another hug, which she accepted gladly.

"You're welcome, Beast Boy," Raven was glad to see his demeanor change and saw him to be much happier; she could see it in his eyes. The empath was lost for a moment, staring in to his emerald eyes as they sparkled in the new found joy. It made her feel… happy. "If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me," she had a hint of a blush finishing that sentence. _'Wait, why am I blushing?'_

"I will… and call me Gar, if you want that is," Beast Boy blushed, a little. "Well Cyborg does when it's just me and him, kind of a brotherly thing…" Beast Boy paused, unsure what to say next.

"Alright, Gar, but don't expect me to say it all around the place," Raven gave him a look.

Beast Boy smiled, overjoyed at their newfound closeness, "Wouldn't have it any other way. Well, come on, tonight's my turn to make dinner. AND it's also my comedy night!"

Raven smirked, "We all know how much everyone would miss that," Raven replied sarcastically, but playfully.

"See, I told you I'm funny," Beast Boy waggled his eyebrows at her and got up from his bed, "Race you to the common room!" And he took off at cheetah speed before she could even so much as stand up.

At that moment, Raven did something she rarely did, she smiled. _'Good to have him back,'_ she thought. And with that, she teleported to the common room, just in time to beat Beast Boy there.

"NO FAIR!"

Okay, No changes this time, but I have to apologize for no updates in like a year. Life has been so freaking puckish. If it weren't for Candace running into my life, I don't know where I'd be. 6 months of happiness has brought me new ideas that I hope will end up here sooner than later.

Love ya Dudes and Dudettes!

Z1 out!


End file.
